The Ideology and Religion Shit List

Got reminded recently about this excellent introduction to world's religious, philosophical and political views:

• Agnosticism (1) What is this shit?
  
• Agnosticism (2) Maybe there is shit or maybe it happens; then again, maybe not.
  
• Altruism (1) Want some shit?
  
• Altruism (2) Let me give you my shit.
  
• Americanism Who gives a shit?
  
• Amish Shit dost occur.
  
• Anal Retentivism Keep your shit to yourself.
  
• Anglicanism Our shit doesn't stink.
  
• Apathism I don't give a shit.
  
• Archimedesmism If I had a lever that's long enough, and a place to stand, I can move the earth -- even if it is full of shit.
  
• Aristotlism (1) Once a shit is stretched by an idea, it never again happens in its original shape.
  
• Aristotlism (2) Shit is real.
  
• Neil Armstrong This is one small shit for me, but one giant heap for mankind.
  
• Asatru If shit happens, blame it on Loki.
  
• Atheism (1) I don't believe this shit.
  
• Atheism (2) There is no shit.
  
• Ba'Hai All shit is truly shit.
  
• Baptist You are shitting wrong, therefore you'll be punished.
  
• Baptist Fundamentalism Shit happens because the Bible says so.
  
• Blondism I'm stupid as shit.
  
• Bowdlerism **** happens.
  
• Branch Davidianism Shit burns.
  
• Breathairians We don't have to eat that shit.
  
• Buddhism (1) Shit happens.
  
• Buddhism (2) If shit happens, it really isn't shit.
  
• Bushism (1) What shit?
  
• Bushism (2) Read my lips, no new shit.
  
• Calvinism Man is nothing but shit.
  
• Calvin-and-Hobbesism Man, this shit is fun.
  
• Caninism Shit happens in the neighbor's yard.
  
• Capitalism (1) Do you buy this shit?
  
• Capitalism (2) How much will this shit cost?
  
• Capitalism (3) Shit happens, and it'll cost you!
  
• Carmensandiegism Where in the world is that shit happening?
  
• Cartesianism I shit, therefore I am.
  
• Catholicism (1) If shit happens, you deserved it.
  
• Catholicism (2) Everybody gets shit.
  
• Chauvanism We may be shit, but you can't live without us.
  
• Christian Fundamentalism The belief that Hell is where everyone must mind their own shit.
  
• Communism (1) It's everybody's shit.
  
• Communism (2) Everyone's shit is everyone else's shit.
  
• Computerism Why won't this fucking shit work?
  
• Confucianism Confucius say, "Shit happens."
  
• Creation Science (1) We have proof that God created all the shit that happens.
  
• Creation Science (2) Shit happens all at once.
  
• Creation Science (3) ...And the Lord said "Let there be shit"...
  
• Deja Vu I think this shit happened before, but I'm not sure.
  
• Descartes I shit therefore I am.
  
• Dianetics (1) Even shit can make money.
  
• Dianetics (2) Shit your way to a better life.
  
• Egoism I AM the shit!
  
• Egotism My shit is the only shit that matters.
  
• Empiricism Shit only happens if I see it happen.
  
• Employerism This shit is your fault.
  
• Energizer Rabbit Shit happens... and happens... and happens...
  
• Environmentalism (1) Recycle this shit.
  
• Environmentalism (2) Shit happens, but it's biodegradable.
  
• Euphemism Caca happens.
  
• Evangelism You need our shit.
  
• Evangelicalism (1) I can heal people -- but oooonly with the help of yourrrrr shit.
  
• Evangelicalism (2) God has a wonderful plan for your shit.
  
• Evolution (1) Shit happens gradually.
  
• Evolution (2) Shit is getting better all the time!
  
• Existentialism Shit doesn't happen; shit just is.
  
• Existentialism, General Your shit is what you make of it.
  
• Existentialism, Sartre We are defined by our shit happening.
  
• Felinism Shit happens... bury it.
  
• Feminism Men are shit.
  
• Freudianism Shit happens as a result of repressed sexual urges.
  
• Geocentrism Our shit is the center of the cosmos!
  
• Green Peaceism Save this Shit.
  
• Hare Krishnaism Shit happens shit happens shit happens rama rama.
  
• Hedonism (1) Fuck that shit; let's party!
  
• Hedonism (2) This shit is fun!
  
• Heisenbergism Shit happened, we just don't know where.
  
• Hinduism (1) This shit happened before.
  
• Hinduism (2) This shit is not a religion. It is a Way of Life.
  
• Hippyism Make peace with shit.
  
• Hitchhikerism The answer to all this shit is 42.
  
• Idealism That shit's all in your mind.
  
• Illuminism We make shit happen.
  
• Interrigationism 'Ve have 'vays of making you shit!
  
• Islam If shit happens, it is the will of Allah.
  
• Islam, Shi'ite When Shi'ite happens, kill Salman Rushdie.
  
• Islam, Sunni Why do Shi'ites always happen to us?
  
• Jehovah's Witnesses (1) No shit happens until Armageddon.
  
• Jehovah's Witnesses (2) Let me in your house and I'll tell you why shit happens.
  
• Jehovah's Witnesses (3) Good Morning, I have some shit for you to read.
  
• Judaism Why does this shit always happen to us?
  
• Jungianism All shit that happens is an aspect of the archetypical shit generated consensually by the mass subconscious.
  
• Kennedyism Ask not what your country's shit can do for you, but what your shit can do for your country.
  
• Kierkegaard This shit is highly improbable; therefore, we should believe it happens.
  
• Martin Luther King, Jr. I have a shit...
  
• Libertarianism Keep your hands off of my shit.
  
• Logical Positivism Shit = S+H+I+T.
  
• Lutheranism Catholicism is shit.
  
• Marines It's not just shit, it's an adventure.
  
• Marxism, Classical The workers take all the shit, but they're gonna dish it back out again.
  
• Materialism Whoever dies with the most shit wins.
  
• Mathematicism Necessary and sufficient conditions for shit to occur are: 1) Shit must exist and be continuous in a domain D 2) No shit must exceed SHIT on the boundary of D.
  
• McCarthyism Are you now, or have you ever been, a shit?
  
• Josh McDowell-ism (1) Anyone who investigates the evidence for this shit and doesn't see the truth as plain as day is a nincompoop.
  
• Josh McDowell-ism (2) Anyone who investigates the evidence for this shit and doesn't agree with me must want to have sexual intercourse outside of marriage.
  
• Mennonite None of this modern shit now.
  
• Momism You'll eat this shit and like it!
  
• Moonies Only happy shit really happens.
  
• Mormonism (1) Your shit is shit, but our shit is the ONE TRUE shit.
  
• Mormonism (2) God sent us this shit.
  
• Murphism Shit always happens at the worst possible time and place.
  
• Narcissism My shit don't stink.
  
• Native American This shit is sacred when it happens.
  
• New Age (1) Why did I happen to create this shit?
  
• New Age (2) This isn't shit if I REALLY believe it's chocolate.
  
• Newton's First Law Shit that is happening tends to keep happening.
  
• Newton's Second Law You have to push to make shit happen.
  
• Newton's Third Law Every shit that happens has an equal and opposite shit happening.
  
• Neitzscheism (1) If you're not Ubermenschen, you're not shit.
  
• Neitzscheism (2) A man without a shit is not a man.
  
• Neitzscheism (3) Shit is dead!
  
• Nihilism Everything is shit.
  
• NIMBYism Your shit's not gonna happen here.
  
• Nixonism (1) Shit didn't happen, and if it did, I don't know anything about it.
  
• Nixonism (2) I am not a shit.
  
• Objectivism Shit=Shit
  
• Occultism We eat our shit.
  
• Optimism (1) That shit won't happen to me.
  
• Optimism (2) This shit, too, will pass.
  
• Paganism (1) Shit happens. Accept it.
  
• Paganism (2) Shit is a part of nature and makes things grow.
  
• Panglossism This is the best of all possible shits.
  
• Paranoia Shit happens because it's a plot.
  
• Pascalism We are just shit. But we are thinking shit.
  
• Patriotism (1) My shit, right or wrong.
  
• Patriotism (2) Give me liberty, or give me shit!
  
• Patriotism (3) Give me shit, or give me death!
  
• Pessimism That shit is going to happen.
  
• Platonism There is an ideal shit, of which all the shit that happens is but an imperfect image.
  
• Politically Correctism (1) Don't call it shit. That's not nice. Call it "Nutritionally-Deprived Output."
  
• Politically Correctism (2) Nutritionally Corrected Output happens.
  
• Positive thinking Shit is what you make it.
  
• Pragmaticism It may be shit, but it works.
  
• Protestantism Let shit happen to someone else.
  
• Psychology I can help you deal with the shit that is happening.
  
• Rastafarian (1) Shit happens, but if it's all right with Jah, it's all right with me.
  
• Rastafarian (2) Let's roll that shit up and smoke it.
  
• Reaganism I don't recall if shit happened.
  
• Reaganism, Nancy Just say, `Shit happens.'
  
• Republicanism We earned our shit.
  
• Robinism Holy shit, Batman!
  
• Rousseau Only natural shit is worth shit.
  
• Schroedingerism Shit does not happen until you smell it.
  
• Scooperism If your shit happens here, you gotta pick it up.
  
• Secular Humanism Shit happens, but there's a rational explanation.
  
• Seventh Day Adventist No shit on Saturdays.
  
• Shakespeare To shit or not to shit, that is the question.
  
• Sherlock Holmes I know where this shit came from.
  
• Shinto Shit is everywhere. So as long as you're stepping in it, show it some respect.
  
• Skinnerism If eat then shit.
  
• Socrates I am shit. But I know I am shit.
  
• Solipsism (1) All this shit is a creation of my imagination.
  
• Solipsism (2) The only thing I can be sure of is that my shit happens.
  
• Spockism The shit of the many outweighs the shit of the few... or the one.
  
• Spockism, Reformed The shit of the one outweighs the shit of the many.
  
• Dr. Spockism Encourage your child to make shit happen.
  
• Spoonerism Hit shappens.
  
• Stalinism The state treats you like shit.
  
• Stoicism (1) This shit is good for me.
  
• Stoicism (2) Shit happens -- deal with it.
  
• Sturgeon's Law 90% of everything is shit.
  
• Subgenius Shit happens -- SO WHAT? GIVE ME SOME SLACK!
  
• Surrealism Shit is shiny and shaped like a Buick.
  
• Taoism The shit that happens is not the true shit.
  
• Televangelism Your tax-deductible donation could stop this shit from happening.
  
• Thermodynamics: First Law The shit that happens cannot be created or destroyed.
  
• Thermodynamics: Second Law When shit happens, it happens from a place of more shit to a place of less shit.
  
• Thermodynamics: Third Law Disorder is the inevitable result of shit happening.
  
• Totalitarianism Shit doesn't happen unless we say so.
  
• Trekkism, The Original Series To boldly shit where no shit has happened before.
  
• Trekkism, The Motion Picture(s) This shit is happening again.
  
• Trekkism, The Next Generation This shit happens again every week.
  
• Trekkism, Deep Space 9 Shit happens on the other side of the wormhole.
  
• Trekkism, Voyager Shit happens on the other side of the galaxy.
  
• Twelve-Step Programs God, grant me the serenity to deal with this shit.
  
• Unitarianism There's only one shit, but you can have it happen any way you want.
  
• Unix Shit Happened. Core dumped.
  
• Ursism Shit happens in the woods.
  
• Utilitarianism (1) Do that which generates the greatest shit for the greatest number.
  
• Utilitarianism (2) Let's make the best of this shit.
  
• Vacuum That shit sucks
  
• Vandalism I'm gonna wreck this shit!
  
• VMS Want to make shit happen? No Privilege for Attempted Operation.
  
• Voodooism Shit doesn't just happen -- somebody dumped it on you.
  
• Voyeurism Look at that shit happening.
  
• Waldoism Where *is* that little shit?
  
• Xeno's paradox It's logically impossible for shit to happen.
  
• Yuppieism It's my shit! All mine!
  
• Zen What is the sound of one shit happening? PU!
  
• Zoroastrianism Shit happens half the time.