As long as there is five times as much positive feeling and interaction between husband and wife as there is negative, the marriage was likely to be stable over time. In contrast, those couples who were heading for divorce were doing far too little on the positive side to compensate for the growing negativity between them.
One of my favorite scenes in Friends deals with similar issue (it only starts at 5'00 in the movie below). The scene shows very interesting approach towards conflicts' avoidance in a relationship. I am not saying that I agree with it, but I do have to agree that it works very well (at least for me):
Anyway, I just wanted to let you know that I am incredibly happy and I want you to be happy with me :)
Showing posts with label psychology. Show all posts
Showing posts with label psychology. Show all posts
Monday, October 20, 2008
Saturday, January 12, 2008
The Long Now Foundation
I just got the following email from The Long Now Foundation. I found it amazing, so I thought that I will share it with you here:
Reflecting on his 25 years as a forecaster, Paul Saffo pointed out that a forecaster's job is not to predict outcomes, but to map the "cone of uncertainty" on a subject. Where are the edges of what might happen? (Uncertainty is cone-shaped because it expands as you project further into the future--- next decade has more surprises in store than next week.)
Rule: Wild cards sensitize us to surprise, and they push the edges of the cone out further. You can call weird imaginings a wild card and not be ridiculed. Science fiction is brilliant at this, and often predictive, because it plants idea bombs in teenagers which they make real 15 years later.
Rule: Change is never linear. Our expectations are linear, but new technologies come in "S" curves, so we routinely overestimate short-term change and underestimate long-term change. "Never mistake a clear view for a short distance."
"Inflection points are tiptoeing past us all the time." He saw one at the DARPA Grand Challenge race for robot cars in the Mojave Desert in 2004 and 2005. In 2004 no cars finished the race, and only four got off the starting line. In 2005, all 23 cars started and five finished.
Rule: Look for indicators- things that don't fit. At the same time the robot cars were triumphing in the desert, 108 human-driven cars piled into one another in the fog on a nearby freeway. A survey of owners of Roomba robot vacuum cleaners showed that 2/3 of owners give the machine a personal name, and 1/3 take it with them on vacations.
Rule: Look back twice as far. Every decade lately there's a new technology that sets the landscape. In the 1980s, microprocessors made a processing decade that culminated in personal computers. In the 1990s it was the laser that made for communication bandwidth and an access decade culminating in the World Wide Web. In the 2000s cheap sensors are making an interaction decade culminating in a robot takeoff. The Web will soon be made largely of machines communicating with each other.
Rule: Cherish failure. Preferably other people's. We fail our way into the future. Silicon Valley is brilliant at this. Since new technologies take 20 years to have an overnight success, for an easy win look for a field that has been failing for 20 years and build on that.
Rule: Be indifferent. Don't confuse the desired with the likely. Christian end-time enthusiasts have been wrong for 2,000 years.
Rule: Assume you are wrong. And forecast often.
Rule: Embrace uncertainty.
Saffo ended with a photo he took of a jar by the cash register in a coffee shop in San Francisco. The handwritten note on the jar read, "If you fear change, leave it in here."
More in Harvard Business Review
Reflecting on his 25 years as a forecaster, Paul Saffo pointed out that a forecaster's job is not to predict outcomes, but to map the "cone of uncertainty" on a subject. Where are the edges of what might happen? (Uncertainty is cone-shaped because it expands as you project further into the future--- next decade has more surprises in store than next week.)
Rule: Wild cards sensitize us to surprise, and they push the edges of the cone out further. You can call weird imaginings a wild card and not be ridiculed. Science fiction is brilliant at this, and often predictive, because it plants idea bombs in teenagers which they make real 15 years later.
Rule: Change is never linear. Our expectations are linear, but new technologies come in "S" curves, so we routinely overestimate short-term change and underestimate long-term change. "Never mistake a clear view for a short distance."
"Inflection points are tiptoeing past us all the time." He saw one at the DARPA Grand Challenge race for robot cars in the Mojave Desert in 2004 and 2005. In 2004 no cars finished the race, and only four got off the starting line. In 2005, all 23 cars started and five finished.
Rule: Look for indicators- things that don't fit. At the same time the robot cars were triumphing in the desert, 108 human-driven cars piled into one another in the fog on a nearby freeway. A survey of owners of Roomba robot vacuum cleaners showed that 2/3 of owners give the machine a personal name, and 1/3 take it with them on vacations.
Rule: Look back twice as far. Every decade lately there's a new technology that sets the landscape. In the 1980s, microprocessors made a processing decade that culminated in personal computers. In the 1990s it was the laser that made for communication bandwidth and an access decade culminating in the World Wide Web. In the 2000s cheap sensors are making an interaction decade culminating in a robot takeoff. The Web will soon be made largely of machines communicating with each other.
Rule: Cherish failure. Preferably other people's. We fail our way into the future. Silicon Valley is brilliant at this. Since new technologies take 20 years to have an overnight success, for an easy win look for a field that has been failing for 20 years and build on that.
Rule: Be indifferent. Don't confuse the desired with the likely. Christian end-time enthusiasts have been wrong for 2,000 years.
Rule: Assume you are wrong. And forecast often.
Rule: Embrace uncertainty.
Saffo ended with a photo he took of a jar by the cash register in a coffee shop in San Francisco. The handwritten note on the jar read, "If you fear change, leave it in here."
More in Harvard Business Review
Thursday, January 3, 2008
how does it work???
Follow these instructions, and answer the questions one at a time and as quickly as you can! Again, as quickly as you can but don't advance until you've done each of them.
Now, arrow down (but not too fast, you might miss something).........
What is:
1+5
2+4
3+3
4+2
5+1
Now repeat saying the number 6 to yourself as fast as you can for 15 seconds. Then scroll down.
QUICK!!! THINK OF A VEGETABLE! !
Then arrow down.
Again arrow down.
You're thinking of a carrot, right?
If not, you're among the 2% of the population whose minds are different enough to think of something else. 98% of people will answer with carrot when given this exercise. Freaky, huh?
I was counting in Polish (szesc, szesc, szesc), but I still thought in English "carrot". But as everybody knows I like carrots and I even felt like eating one just a moment ago. What were you thinking about?
The only other explanation that comes to my mind is that it has to do something with brain conditioning during your childhood - then you were adding small numbers and you were eating mostly carrot...
Now, arrow down (but not too fast, you might miss something).........
What is:
1+5
2+4
3+3
4+2
5+1
Now repeat saying the number 6 to yourself as fast as you can for 15 seconds. Then scroll down.
QUICK!!! THINK OF A VEGETABLE! !
Then arrow down.
Again arrow down.
You're thinking of a carrot, right?
If not, you're among the 2% of the population whose minds are different enough to think of something else. 98% of people will answer with carrot when given this exercise. Freaky, huh?
I was counting in Polish (szesc, szesc, szesc), but I still thought in English "carrot". But as everybody knows I like carrots and I even felt like eating one just a moment ago. What were you thinking about?
The only other explanation that comes to my mind is that it has to do something with brain conditioning during your childhood - then you were adding small numbers and you were eating mostly carrot...
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