Wednesday, February 21, 2007

Guide to the public humiliation

1. Do not start working on your presentation more than 12h in advance
2. Do not sleep a night before (that will make sure that your brain will not be fully functional)
3. During working on your presentation regularly visit onet to check if maybe Polish government collapsed or if one of our almighty ducks abdicated
4. Also do not forget to check blogs of your friends and make sure that you will get involve in the discussion on the subject of God’s existence, and how the second thermodynamics law proves or disproves it (but this is tricky part: you have to make sure that you will not get too involve in this discussion as then you could miss your seminar and the public humiliation)
5. If none of your friends wrote anything interesting on their blogs, you might always start reading Horney, Fromm, Hegel, Kierkegaard, Heidegger or Sartre
6. Just before you start working on the seminar get a 2 hour long Thai Yoga massage (, which (a) will put you to sleep (b) will make you feel so relaxed that such petite issues as your first seminar in the new lab will have no meaning to you
7. Drink five strong coffees (especially if you are not used to drinking coffee) to manage to fight the temptation of falling asleep
8. Do not spend any time thinking on your presentation and do not go through your slides even once before (that is really critical for making a good impression on your audience – you will not have to feign being surprised by seeing your next slide)
9. Very important: do not attempt to show any data! In the end you are not paid for working, right? Depending how tough you are, you might actually have no data to show, and then, my friend, welcome in the club.
10. During your presentation do not attempt to be focused and do not engage in the discussion with the audience (in the end it is your project and what they can know about it)
11. Be honest. When your boss asks how far is your project and what did you do so far, tell him/her truth

I am grateful to Almighty for creating me relax, happy and shameless.