Sunday, February 18, 2007

Anxiety dreams

I cannot recall how it happened but yesterday’s game evening finished with a discussion on the subject of the anxiety dreams that apparently everybody experiences from time to time. Even though I gave this subject a lot of thought, I did not manage to recall a single example of an anxiety dream that I had. Of course it s possible that I would simply not remember such dreams (especially with an amazing capacity of my brain to forget all the bad memories), but I do not think that it is the case as I wake up every morning in the great mood, feeling very relax and happy.
However, I also realized that there is one thing that totally scares me and if I had an anxiety dream it would for sure involve this event. I am freakishly afraid that my father will prematurely die (like in a car accident or from a heart attack), and I am completely not prepared for that. Whenever I read in Polish internet news that there was a car accident somewhere where I know my father could be driving (he drives a lot and rather fast), I obsessively start checking details of this accident trying to figure out if he could be involved or not. It also freaks me out if I can not reach him for few days by email or phone and only black scenarios pass through my mind. I am convinced that worrying about wellbeing of my father is the major stress factor in my life. I cannot imagine loosing him. He provides the stability to my life. And now even more then when I was a little girl I need his unconditional love, advice and support.