Wednesday, April 25, 2007

one of these days

Rationally thinking: Life is beautiful. I have the best friends in the world. My life is interesting and eventful. San Francisco is great place to live in. I like my job and people I work with. I have very nice and easy-going roommates. It seems like everything is going well in my life and I should have no reasons to complain, right?
However, whole day today I felt this strange urge to screw something up (and I think I was very close to achieving it). I felt accumulating dissatisfaction with something (I do not know what) and I was just looking for the occasion to blow up and unload whatever was accumulating inside me. Luckily I did not manage to get into trouble with anybody (at least I think I didn't).
I spent whole evening thinking and analyzing why I felt like this and what caused these bad emotions inside me. For long time I could not understand it and I grew more and more angry with myself for being such an idiot as I am. And then, finally, I understood it. It is one of these days when hormones take control over my body and say: be nasty, shout, argue and get into trouble. Lovely. What did I do to deserve it? (Yes, I know, my grand, grand,..., grandmother ate a wrong apple.) But why - on earth - even tough I should be able to predict when it will happen it still comes as a surprise to me?