Jochen called me today. We did not talk (or see each other) since the day we broke up, which was almost 4 months ago. During this time we only exchange carefully written, well-balanced emails. I asked him several times if he would like to come to visit or if we could at least talk over the phone, but he said that it was too early for him and if we would do that, he would not have a feeling that we broke up.
So for the last four months I have been waiting for today to come. And now when it came I do not know what I feel and I do not know what to think. I hoped that after we talk I would feel better, but that's not the case. Actually, I feel worse. Feelings of guilt and pain that I thought that I managed to get rid off a month ago, came back. But I also feel a bit relieved because at least he called. Moreover, he wants to come and visit within next six weeks. And as much as I am scared of that, I am also very much looking forward to it.