Tuesday, October 13, 2009

these days

I put 100% of my energy into surviving.
I am tired of explaining to everybody why I am not as cheerful as always.
I am tired of hearing that things will work out.
I am tired of hearing that nobody expected it and that it is not fair.
I feel like screaming, but somehow I can't. Maybe I am too old for that or maybe I simply do not have any energy left.
I am angry with myself for not being able to focus at work or anything else that is good and constructive (like reading book, or learning something new).
I am angry with myself for being afraid to be alone and obsessively filling in every single moment in my life with other people.
But I am extremely grateful for having so many wonderful friends who offer their love and support to me right now. Without you, I would be lost.
At the same time, I would like to meet some new happy cheerful people that will have no idea who I am and what's going on inside my heart and head. For one little moment I just want to forget all the problems and have some fun.